Night Cleaner

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(1 Review)

During her first shift as a night cleaner at a train depot, a young mother must fight the gangsters who run the place if she is to survive until morning.

(1 review)
Script is rated #2 in category Champion
In Folio
@ Andy Hayward

MADISON (or MADS for short), in her early twenties, with cute girl-next-door looks, lies on her bed dreamily thumbing through Smash Hits. With big frizz-bomb hair and dressed in 1980s fashion, she could be mistaken for Madonna or Cyndi Lauper. Her room, an escape pod from 21st-century life is festooned with 80s pop memorabilia, including a colossal catalogue of D90 mixtapes. Madison’s most prized possession, however, is her antique Sony Walkman. Forever listening to music, she is rarely without it.

Right now, Material World spills from Madison’s headphones. She turns over a page and peers at a centre-fold spread of diamond-adorned Madonna, a hot male model worshipping her. One thought runs through Mads’ mind: if only it were me.  For good reason. Madison has a baby daughter and together they live at home with her overbearing mother in relative poverty. Nonetheless, Madison’s resolve runs deep. She springs to her feet, throws her best 1980s moves and sings, terribly off-key, into a hairbrush microphone until…her mother barges in and stops all the fun. Mads receives a humiliating talking to and is shooed out of the house — she must not be late for her first shift as a Night Cleaner at a railway depot.

Mads clambers into her rust-ridden MGB and drives to the depot. It is here, where the story takes a strange turn. Not only is depot an otherworldly place, an eclectic bunch of people, including, LIPS, DANGER MOUSE and PENFOLD, DR ZIRA, DWARF JOE and BELCHER, otherwise known as FATSO’s Cleaning Crew, work there. They teach Mads ‘Dance of the Cleaners’ a weird ballet with mops and vacuum cleaners, their preferred method of cleaning trains. Immediately afterwards, Fatso’s Crew clock off, leaving Mads in the depot alone and afraid.

During her shift, Mads does exactly what the Night Cleaner expected to do: cleans trains. Mads makes light of her work by singing and dancing to her perfect 1980s soundtrack. Along the way, she meets two corporal ghosts, JIMMY, the previous night cleaner, who gives her a key and CARL, who gives her a briefcase.  Enter MANI a thug who works for ‘The Agency’. As far as he’s concerned, the Night Cleaner has two jobs to do: dispose of dead bodies and store ‘assets.’ Sometimes assets must be given back. But not tonight. After an altercation with Mani, Mads runs off with the case. The Agency man gives chase but is pulverised a passing train.

Madison escapes to a signal box where she opens the case. And there it is. In all its glory. Bundles of crisp fifty-pound notes. Immersed in the moment, Mads fails to notice, WILL, a ghost and former agency employee, standing behind her. The blue-eyed wonder boy, with Nik Kershaw hair, urges Mads to take the money and run. Her morals, however, prevent her from doing so. Instead, she stores the case in the lost property box, come what may. Notably Will, also has a Sony Walkman and listens to his very own personal 1980s soundtrack. Naturally, with their love of retro music in common, a quirky, unspoken kind of love blossoms, culminating in a prom king and queen slow dance.

In the final throws, KOWALKSI, an agency man and CLEVELAND, the boss, come looking for Mads and demand the case back. She is in no mood to return it. In two bloody and glorious boxing matches, Mads defeats the agency men, to their embarrassment.  At the end of the night, Mads and Will steal a kiss.  But, their quirky kind of love affair is going nowhere.  Will is trapped in the train depot.  Mads drives off into the glory of the rising sun only to discover Will has left the case in her car. She has everything she needs to start a new chapter as a real-life material girl. In short, Night Cleaner is a Cinderella story with gangsters, ghosts and a throbbing 1980s soundtrack.

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MPerlick

You’re a talented writer, but you’re writing your screenplay too much in the style of a novel. You need to write only what the audience sees and hears on the screen. It’s okay to embellish your action lines but keep that brief. Mad’s character description, which is great, should only take a half page or… Read more »

PROS
Character description and dialogue.
CONS
Needs to be written in the style of a screenplay.
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